Emotion has always been a fascinating subject for me. All throughout my scientific endeavors in both psychology and neuroscience, I always made an effort to learn more about this facet of human life. It surprised me to find the faintest hint of anything related to emotion which is counter-intuitive to the stereotypical notions of psychology being ‘feeling’ centered. People often conjure up images of a Freudian psychologist sitting next to patients lying down on a couch and asking them, “How does that make you feel?” In all its efforts to attain scientific credibility, psychology reduces emotions to nothing more than bio-chemical reactions in the brain and a defunct remnant from its predecessor: philosophy. It almost seems like the very word is a nameless threat that precludes its mention by anyone within the field. Almost as if we are afraid to talk about it. I believe this is somewhat cold and naive because emotional aptitude can be a very powerful tool. We seem to know all about the chemical precursors which signal neural transmission underlying certain emotions and its neuroanatomical origins yet we remain dangerously under-educated on emotions actual dynamics within the realm of interpersonal interactions. This seems reminiscent of the I.Q. fallacy which seemingly determines academic intelligence as measured by standardized testing. It seems strange to encapsulate the staggering diversity of human nature with a universal template that fails to capture even half of the human potential. In his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter more than I.Q, Daniel Goleman cites the research which suggests that I.Q. makes a 20% contribution to a person’s success with the remaining 80% unaccounted for and presumably consisting of several different factors such as emotional aptitude, connections, opportunities, and maybe even a little luck. He goes on to describe in great detail, the many facets of emotional intelligence and illuminates how they play a large role in people’s lives. It is an excellent read which I highly recommend to anyone interested. In chapter 7, Goleman illustrates the brilliance of what he terms ‘emotional judo’ through a wonderful story and I feel it serves as the perfect prototype for what I like to call the ‘empathy scale’.
The fine art of emotional judo is described by Goleman as the strategy of distraction, empathy and alternating negative emotion with a more positive focus. The strategy has been proven successful by research pertaining to self-regulation and anger. It is also what is missing the most in traditional structures of education. They teach us what to think; not how to think. Nonetheless, Goleman illustrates this concept beautifully with a story that I think serves as a perfect example of how empathy can work for us. The story is actually a true story as told by Terry Dobson who is one of the first westerners to study the martial art Aikido in Japan during the 1950s. Aikido is a system which emphasizes harmony of motion and redirecting the force of an attacker while protecting him from injury which poetically underlines the ironic parallel to emotional judo illustrated through this story. The story begins with Dobson riding home on a train in Tokyo one day. A large, disgruntled, unpleasant and intoxicated man gets on and begins to pester the fellow passengers. He antagonizes everyone on the train with insults and profanity, even taking a swing at a woman holding a baby who joins the rest of the terrified passengers in scurrying to the end of the car. This man seems to be spiralling down into a fit of rage as his movements become more erratic and dangerous. Terry, who was in excellent physical condition and spent 8 hours a day honing his skills in Aikido, felt it was his duty to do something in case anyone got hurt by this man’s reckless flailing and complete disregard for those around him. With strength and deliberation, Terry begins to stand. The drunken man sees this and begins to berate Terry as he moves towards him. Just as this happens, an elderly man in his 70s with a joyous disposition begins to beckon the unruly drunk with a friendly wave of his hand and says, “Hey! Come here! What have you been drinking?” The drunk comes over and screams back, “Sake and it’s none of your business old man!” The elderly man continues to reply in a kind and friendly tone, “That’s wonderful, absolutely wonderful! You see, I love sake too and drink it every night with my lovely wife as we sit on an old wooden bench in the garden and enjoy the evening.” The mood begins to shift in a very subtle and covert way. The drunken man seems to loosen his grip on malice and softens with every word as he listens to the friendly old man go on about his wife and his home. He remarks, “I’m sure you have a wonderful wife too...” At this point, after a moment of silence, the drunken man begins sobbing and tells him that his wife has passed away. He dives into the tale of how he lost his wife, lost his job and being ashamed of himself for everything that has happened. As the train arrived at Terry’s stop, he gets off but not before he catches the drunk sprawled out on the old mans lap. With a gentle kindness, the old man invites him over for dinner so he can tell him all about it. With this, Daniel Goleman concludes the chapter and story with one line that sums everything up perfectly: That is emotional brilliance.
I absolutely love that story because beneath its elegant simplicity, further examination reveals the power of a moment and the power of empathy. I think if you step back from this moment and get a bird’s eye view of the situation; you get what I like to call the ‘empathy scale’. Think about it for just a second. You have the train car which acts like scale. The drunken and unruly man is in the middle over the fulcrum underneath as he staggers back and forth between empathic understanding on one side in the form of the elderly man and swift moral vigilance on the other represented by Terry, the man with the skills to put him down in the event that compassion fails. To me, as I step back and look at this situation in that light, it represents to me the perfect scale for this unfortunate set of circumstances, referring of course to the drunken man’s predicament and anger. I have always believed in the power of compassion and I do not condone mindless violence. In the wrong hands, something like the martial arts can be like a loaded gun and represent a danger in its own right. However, the reality is that there are times when empathy fails, when compassion does not reach a certain individual. I have seen these individuals, met them, interacted with them.....in fact I’m related to one, sad to say. Things can happen and people can get hurt.....innocent people. Thankfully, it did not end up happening in this situation. The point is that a kind word and warm smile can often diffuse the situation (or neural hijacking as Daniel Goleman puts it) before it escalates to the point where violence becomes a necessity. However, if time does tip the scale from empathic resolve to violent confrontation, it’s best to be ready. What a story and what a situation. It took courage on both men’s part to face this large, angry man when no one else would. They may have had different tools in their belts, but one way or the other; he wasn’t going to be allowed to continue his rampage over innocent people. I have great respect for both men but especially for the old man’s courage and emotional brilliance. His tools were merely warmth, kindness, compassion and empathy. His courage and kind heart tipped the scale in favour of empathy and avoided a confrontation which would have caused more misery. These tools used knowingly can have more power in the right hands than any form of direct force. After all, Ghandi was able to free an entire nation from the British Empire without raising a fist or firing a single shot. However, in the event that does not work and the scale tips, even the best of us would appreciate an archangel who watches over us and balances the scale. Until then, keep on smiling, offer a kind word and never forget the power of empathy.
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"
- Edmund Burke
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