Saturday, 26 May 2012

Legends Are Made....Not Born


I fear a life without meaning. I am afraid of being swept away by the sands of time without leaving some sort of unique mark, some symbol that I was here at one point. That fear can be dangerous if not kept in check but it has nonetheless propelled me to strive for excellence in my life. Above credentials, I believe in contribution. As an academic always striving for the truth, it is my duty to contribute my thoughts as so many have done before me. Recently, I created the term ‘Psychosynosis’ and its theoretical orientation. Literally translated from the ancient Greek, it means a union of our soul/mind with knowledge and reason from different areas to create a higher form of self-understanding. I am very proud of this theory and firmly believe in the possibilities inherent to its application. However, the question may still arise: what can it do? It involves mental flexibility, awareness, discovery, choice, knowledge, connection and understanding but what does it look like when applied? I intend to answer that here.

Recently, I viewed an archived video on the TED website from 1972 where Viktor Frankl discusses his theory on meaning in life. Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist as well as a Holocaust survivor. The experiences he endured lead him to develop his existential theory called ‘Logotherapy’ and he argued for the importance of meaning in people’s lives. He realized that even in the most horrid conditions, meaning could provide the silver lining people need to get through their circumstances. Many of his brilliant and inspired thoughts ring true even to this day but what struck me more than that was how I could suddenly make connections between what he said and other areas of life I was familiar with. You wouldn’t think that I would start making bi-directional connections to Shakespeare and modern day mythology, but there is an underlying current beneath Frankls words which seems to resonate throughout life.

Viktor Frankl attempted to illuminate his concept of meaning by analogizing between his recent flight instructors’ advice during pilot lessons and how we perceive a person’s potential. He uses the example of going from point A to point B in a straight line, or west to east. The instructor told him that if he encounters a cross-wind, and he continues on route in a straight line, he will end up below his targeted destination and get dragged down with the wind. So, he should fly north and tilt the plane up, that way he will end up at the desired location straight ahead which he originally intended. This allows you to compensate for the winds of fate, as it were. Frankl would contend that this is true of life in general and when treating a man (forgive the phalocentric representation; it was the 70s). He said that if you take him as he is and ignore his need for meaning; you make him worse, make him frustrated and denigrate his potential. However, if you overestimate his being, you will end up promoting him to what he truly can be. He further states that we need idealism in a sense; because that is the only way we can get at the true, real essence of what he is capable of, his pure potential. A wondrous guide to our ‘Ultimate Selves’. 

Frankls notion of idealism has a ring of truth in it and can be traced back even to Shakespeare’s own words. However, his path to self-realization or the evolution of potential was to align himself to an ideal which cloaked our humanity. One of his famous quotes from Twelfth Night:

Conceal me what I am and be my aid; for such disguise shall become the form of my intent.”

What Shakespeare is saying here, is that when man becomes unable to achieve the impossible, he must graft himself to something higher. This will both hide his human vulnerability and take the form of his virtuous intentions so he can evolve into his ultimate self. It will allow him to morph into something beyond the mortal flesh and move beyond the fragility of human existence. He will become one with what he intends to achieve. This one sentence is the epicenter behind one of the most well-known, critically acclaimed and embellished examples of modern day mythology: the legend of Batman.

The story of Bruce Wayne has been well-documented through his origin in comic books, to TV shows, animation and the recently popular film franchise directed by visionary Christopher Nolan. As a young boy, he witnesses the murder of both his parents by a common street mugger and vows to never let the same injustice happen again. So, he dons the cape and cowl as a masked vigilante who stalks crime from the shadows. He employs a state of the art arsenal, supreme physical conditioning and a mind that would rival Sherlock Holmes himself. However, at his core he is still human. He possesses no special power and in many ways, is one of the more physically vulnerable super heroes in comic books. After years of wandering, training and soul searching he decides to pursue this lifestyle. However, he recognizes his vulnerability and mortality during his first year as the dark knight. In the first few months of fighting crime, Bruce attempts to do the impossible as a mere man. With nothing but a ski mask, black sweater, basic tool belt and some martial arts, he would find that being a vigilante is not as easy as it looks. He realizes he is not ready yet and more importantly, criminals know he is just another man with the same mortal weaknesses.......they did not FEAR him. They did not yet have a reason to fear him. In the film adaptation of the story, Bruce remembers what someone once told him: A vigilante is just a man lost in the scuffle.....he can be killed, destroyed, locked up......but if you make yourself MORE than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal......then you become something else entirely: A LEGEND. Bruce would soon realize that as a man, there was not much he could do. However, as a symbol shrouded in mystery, he could do more. He could instill fear in the hearts of those criminals who align themselves with the darkness and shadows by evolving into something else. He chose the bat as a symbol because that is what he was afraid of as a child. Ironic isn’t it? To evolve into something more than you are, by becoming that which you fear to instill the very same in your adversary. To create a symbol shrouded in darkness and mystery, to BE the unknown. Now, criminals would have to deal with something they did not know, and therefore could not understand. They had to look over their shoulders while in the shadows and wonder if someone was hunting THEM. They had a very real reason to be afraid. The rest as they say is history.

Whether its Viktor Frankls’ idea of overestimation leading to a realization of potential, or Shakespeare’s call of aid in an external identity or Bruce Wayne’s evolution through iconography....the common denominator is meaning and personal growth. The same lack of meaning haunts us in the present and the same lesson applies to us all, which has managed to slice through time, literature, history, fiction and reality. The same call for meaning cries out from all of us as we try and find our way in the world. The same frustration at what we are, the same desire for what we can and should be. The same need for personal growth and evolution of our true potential. The same answer lying in three men, three stories, three dimensions. The same theme which connects all three forms of knowledge to help us reach a higher state of self-understanding. The same place where we lose ourselves in purpose but find ourselves in meaning. That my friends, is what Psychosynosis looks like.

Monday, 9 April 2012

My Talisman for Times of Trial and Tribulation

There have certainly been some rough spots in my life recently. Rejection, the feelings of failure and shame, even a loss on direction. However, a strange lack of guilt pervades my being as I remember that it is not by lack of effort but lack of opportunity which has steered me to a different place. There is no one who worked harder and I know in my heart, I did the very best I could. Not too many people can honestly say they have no regrets but in that respect, I truthfully have none. A strange yet peaceful feeling. I know what I must do, yet I am uncertain of how to get there. I have decided that steps will be taken and I must seek counsel of those who have helped me in the past. In the meantime, I have remembered that I carry with me the past words of a wiser self who still resides in me somewhere. It is there where I must find strength and deliberation to plan my next move and find courage in facing the future. My friend and fellow life coach Halrene (whom I very much recommend!) suggested I write two letters during one of our sessions: one to my past self and the other to my inner critic. Here is what resulted in my efforts.........


Letter 1: My Past Self
This is a letter to the boy I once was. I am the man you will become one day. I thought it would be nice to sit down and have a little chat. We have always been in contact and we know where everything stands, but sometimes it’s nice to sit down and actually say these things. It’s been a long hard road hasn’t it? People sometimes tell us it’s just begun; ironic that they don’t know how much has been crammed in already. They have eyes but they do not see. I suppose it was worth the drive though. You have turned into someone people are supposedly proud to know. It’s certainly much appreciated and although I have demons to contend with just like everyone else, I feel like I have developed equilibrium with my past. I have severed the ties that burn but kept the parts that have taught me what’s important in life. I suppose it’s a strange thing not to want to let go of a past that is filled with pain. People often look at me quizzically when I say that. Some things cannot be erased and there is some pain that time cannot mend; some hurts that go too deep. Pain is something like fear or anger; it cannot be abolished completely but it can be put in its place. It CAN work: through YOU. I don’t want to let go of a certain part of what I have been through, a certain part of you: my past self. It is that which gave rise to who I am today, to the tools which make me feel confident. Not that I can face everything without fault but that if I do fall, I can pick myself up again. That is the secret. Buddhism tells us that suffering lies in desire. The desire to get rid of pain is a distant cousin and shadow of the same greed which causes us suffering to begin with. A vicious cycle which is cloaked in a noble attempt to escape that which gives us pain. However, it is not the pain which we need to deal with. Pain is a common denominator of human existence and like it or not, it is here to stay. It is our inability to deal with pain which must be addressed. The ability to take what we have been through and like a diamond in the ruff, clean it off, chip away the rough edges and find something beautiful. Easier said than done but if it wasn’t difficult, it wouldn’t be worth doing right? 

One day, during an important period in your life, you will say this: “I seek not an end to the path, only the tools to stride in peace.” These words will become very important in your life one day and will represent a turn in the tide. The annunciation of truth and lightening captured in a bottle. I wish I could sit down with the boy I was for a little while; outside time and space where such things don’t matter. I wish I could tell you that everything will be all right, even through the bad times where hope seems to be a luxury you can’t afford. But the truth is I can’t because I am all that’s left of what you once were. I suppose another way of looking at it: I’ve evolved from what I once was but had to let go of some pieces. So this will have to do. I want you to know that you will not turn into who you fear, that you will meet tremendous people and do great things your heart values. Know that no matter what you go through, good or bad, no matter what happens: I know who you really are and I am very proud of you. Stay true to who we are and whenever you feel alone or in pain, always remember the truth in Phillip Brooks words: Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but YOU shall be the miracle.”

Love,
Louis

Letter 2: My Inner Critic
Recently I sat down and had a productive chat with my past self and have decided that I will now speak with you: my inner critic. The one who suffers from two related diseases: ‘too much’ and ‘too little’. You have a track record of judging by these simplistic scales and being the devil on my shoulder. Fortunately there is an archangel on the other side. You tell me I am only as good as the world allows me to be; yet each time you say this, it is disproved by a time of compassion, warmth and understanding which defies the odds. Your presence is much like that of evil, pain and anger.  You cannot be abolished completely but you can be put in your place. It is said that evil often wins but seldom conquers. Much the same way, you have had times where you managed to corrupt my reason and rob me of my hope for brief periods of time. Moments where your judgment is deafening and the words seem to be all there is. However, much like Aretha Franklin once sang, “You can steal a crown from a king, break an angels wings, but you’re never going to break my faith....NEVER.”

The times of pain and hurt which you call failure have been cast into the light of truth. Revealed for what they really are. The truth is that they molded and shaped me into the man I am today. While you continue to remind me of the stern truth that I am not perfect, I remind YOU that I don’t want to be. I remind you that I am still proud of who I have become. My past was simply ‘baptism under fire’ and through that comes the only thing that really matters in this world: self-respect. Your close relatives: fear, anger, shame and pain; they still exist but they do not represent the giant beast which once stood before me. They are now a swarm which can be dangerous if not kept in check, but otherwise represent only an annoying hindrance. The truth is that I STILL have a job to do. I still have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. The truth is you will not stop me and you have already failed too many times to count. Much like evil, you win a few battles but very seldom do you win a war. The truth is that you have tried many times in the past and the one thing all those attempts share in common? FAILURE. You have failed each time. While the price of freedom remains eternal vigilance and I cannot let my guard down, you will not get in my way. I respectfully refuse to give up or give in.....I will NOT stop.....

Sincerely,
Louis


I am very proud of my past efforts, strength and courage. I am also very proud of these two pieces of writing and will carry them with me always, especially in times of trial and tribulation. A special thank you to Harlene and all those souls who have shown be kindness! My strength has often come from you......

To learn how to pick ourselves back up.....that is why we fall......


Thursday, 22 December 2011

The true way to love someone.......


As we move through the holidays, I am reminded of what is important. Although I am fond of the spirit of kindness which embodies Christmas, we too often get lost in the storm of holiday purchases and twinkly lights. Much of the same can be said of love and people sometimes ask me what my ideal vision of love entails. I have often prided myself on not being too materialistic because I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the fence. As a man once said, “I’ve dined with kings and queens......and I’ve slept in alleys and dined on pork and beans.” I’ve had things and I’ve had to live without things. In the end, it’s not what matters and if there is a place we go after this, one things is for sure: we can’t take our possessions with us. So what is important? What is the true and purest way to love? As I’ve explained before, trying to answer such a question is akin to encapsulating the exact square footage of the universe. It simply can’t be done by conventional description. In such cases, I often find symbols and stories, parables and passages to be much more enlightening in cases where description fail. I wrote a short piece on love a while back and thought I would share it because to me, it is the true way to love someone. I hope it sheds some light:

This passage is from the 1956 movie "The Ten Commandments" which stars Charlton Heston in the lead role as Moses. It is a wonderful movie with many lessons of life nestled within its religious context. No matter what faith one comes from, all can take some tidbit of wisdom away from this epic film, regardless of whether you believe or not. The details are often just trifles and truth can be found in many places. The following is what Sephora (a sheperd girl) says to Moses after he is banished from a life of riches as the Prince of Egypt. He was proclaimed to be the deliverer who would lead the Hebrew slaves from bondage and into freedom. Moses feels lonely at this point, longing for his former love, and feels uncertain about the path his life should take. When asked about his former love, he admits she was beautiful but Sephora reminds him there is a beauty beyond the senses:


Sephora:

"A jewel has brilliant fire........ ...but it gives no warmth.

Our hands are not so soft........ but they can serve.

Our bodies not so white.........but they are strong.

Our lips are not perfumed......... but they speak the truth.

Love is not an art to us............. It’s life to us.

We are not dressed in gold and fine linen.............strength and honor are our clothing.

Our tents are not the columned halls of Egypt.......but our children play happily before them.

We can offer you little….........but we offer all we have."



-Beautiful in its simplicity and truth. The music and acting do this more justice than I ever can, but hopefully their eloquence will be captured by someone. Whenever you feel lonely, or scared or uncertain; because of what someone has done to you, or because of something you have done to someone else.....think of these words, and may they give you strength. Love, health, and prosperity to all as we close in on the holiday seasons.....the journey is almost over......as a new one waits just over the horizon.....


Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Emotional Judo: The Power of Empathy


Emotion has always been a fascinating subject for me. All throughout my scientific endeavors in both psychology and neuroscience, I always made an effort to learn more about this facet of human life. It surprised me to find the faintest hint of anything related to emotion which is counter-intuitive to the stereotypical notions of psychology being ‘feeling’ centered. People often conjure up images of a Freudian psychologist sitting next to patients lying down on a couch and asking them, “How does that make you feel?” In all its efforts to attain scientific credibility, psychology reduces emotions to nothing more than bio-chemical reactions in the brain and a defunct remnant from its predecessor: philosophy. It almost seems like the very word is a nameless threat that precludes its mention by anyone within the field. Almost as if we are afraid to talk about it. I believe this is somewhat cold and naive because emotional aptitude can be a very powerful tool. We seem to know all about the chemical precursors which signal neural transmission underlying certain emotions and its neuroanatomical origins yet we remain dangerously under-educated on emotions actual dynamics within the realm of interpersonal interactions. This seems reminiscent of the I.Q. fallacy which seemingly determines academic intelligence as measured by standardized testing. It seems strange to encapsulate the staggering diversity of human nature with a universal template that fails to capture even half of the human potential. In his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter more than I.Q, Daniel Goleman cites the research which suggests that I.Q. makes a 20% contribution to a person’s success with the remaining 80% unaccounted for and presumably consisting of several different factors such as emotional aptitude, connections, opportunities, and maybe even a little luck. He goes on to describe in great detail, the many facets of emotional intelligence and illuminates how they play a large role in people’s lives. It is an excellent read which I highly recommend to anyone interested. In chapter 7, Goleman illustrates the brilliance of what he terms ‘emotional judo’ through a wonderful story and I feel it serves as the perfect prototype for what I like to call the ‘empathy scale’.

The fine art of emotional judo is described by Goleman as the strategy of distraction, empathy and alternating negative emotion with a more positive focus. The strategy has been proven successful by research pertaining to self-regulation and anger. It is also what is missing the most in traditional structures of education. They teach us what to think; not how to think. Nonetheless, Goleman illustrates this concept beautifully with a story that I think serves as a perfect example of how empathy can work for us. The story is actually a true story as told by Terry Dobson who is one of the first westerners to study the martial art Aikido in Japan during the 1950s. Aikido is a system which emphasizes harmony of motion and redirecting the force of an attacker while protecting him from injury which poetically underlines the ironic parallel to emotional judo illustrated through this story. The story begins with Dobson riding home on a train in Tokyo one day. A large, disgruntled, unpleasant and intoxicated man gets on and begins to pester the fellow passengers. He antagonizes everyone on the train with insults and profanity, even taking a swing at a woman holding a baby who joins the rest of the terrified passengers in scurrying to the end of the car. This man seems to be spiralling down into a fit of rage as his movements become more erratic and dangerous. Terry, who was in excellent physical condition and spent 8 hours a day honing his skills in Aikido, felt it was his duty to do something in case anyone got hurt by this man’s reckless flailing and complete disregard for those around him. With strength and deliberation, Terry begins to stand. The drunken man sees this and begins to berate Terry as he moves towards him. Just as this happens, an elderly man in his 70s with a joyous disposition begins to beckon the unruly drunk with a friendly wave of his hand and says, “Hey! Come here! What have you been drinking?” The drunk comes over and screams back, “Sake and it’s none of your business old man!” The elderly man continues to reply in a kind and friendly tone, “That’s wonderful, absolutely wonderful! You see, I love sake too and drink it every night with my lovely wife as we sit on an old wooden bench in the garden and enjoy the evening.” The mood begins to shift in a very subtle and covert way. The drunken man seems to loosen his grip on malice and softens with every word as he listens to the friendly old man go on about his wife and his home. He remarks, “I’m sure you have a wonderful wife too...” At this point, after a moment of silence, the drunken man begins sobbing and tells him that his wife has passed away. He dives into the tale of how he lost his wife, lost his job and being ashamed of himself for everything that has happened. As the train arrived at Terry’s stop, he gets off but not before he catches the drunk sprawled out on the old mans lap. With a gentle kindness, the old man invites him over for dinner so he can tell him all about it. With this, Daniel Goleman concludes the chapter and story with one line that sums everything up perfectly: That is emotional brilliance.

I absolutely love that story because beneath its elegant simplicity, further examination reveals the power of a moment and the power of empathy. I think if you step back from this moment and get a bird’s eye view of the situation; you get what I like to call the ‘empathy scale’. Think about it for just a second. You have the train car which acts like scale. The drunken and unruly man is in the middle over the fulcrum underneath as he staggers back and forth between empathic understanding on one side in the form of the elderly man and swift moral vigilance on the other represented by Terry, the man with the skills to put him down in the event that compassion fails. To me, as I step back and look at this situation in that light, it represents to me the perfect scale for this unfortunate set of circumstances, referring of course to the drunken man’s predicament and anger. I have always believed in the power of compassion and I do not condone mindless violence. In the wrong hands, something like the martial arts can be like a loaded gun and represent a danger in its own right. However, the reality is that there are times when empathy fails, when compassion does not reach a certain individual. I have seen these individuals, met them, interacted with them.....in fact I’m related to one, sad to say. Things can happen and people can get hurt.....innocent people. Thankfully, it did not end up happening in this situation. The point is that a kind word and warm smile can often diffuse the situation (or neural hijacking as Daniel Goleman puts it) before it escalates to the point where violence becomes a necessity. However, if time does tip the scale from empathic resolve to violent confrontation, it’s best to be ready. What a story and what a situation. It took courage on both men’s part to face this large, angry man when no one else would. They may have had different tools in their belts, but one way or the other; he wasn’t going to be allowed to continue his rampage over innocent people. I have great respect for both men but especially for the old man’s courage and emotional brilliance. His tools were merely warmth, kindness, compassion and empathy. His courage and kind heart tipped the scale in favour of empathy and avoided a confrontation which would have caused more misery. These tools used knowingly can have more power in the right hands than any form of direct force. After all, Ghandi was able to free an entire nation from the British Empire without raising a fist or firing a single shot.  However, in the event that does not work and the scale tips, even the best of us would appreciate an archangel who watches over us and balances the scale. Until then, keep on smiling, offer a kind word and never forget the power of empathy.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"
-          Edmund Burke